Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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