you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
