when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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