11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
