some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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