Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
