I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
