i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
