I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
