i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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