Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.