i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
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Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
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We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation