The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh