You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.