he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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