And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
