am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You dont lie about slip and slides
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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