he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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