im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
