half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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