I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
