2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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