Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
