I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize