When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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