he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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