This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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