I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
