girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
