I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
