You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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