My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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