My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
