You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
