My liver just broke up with me...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
