using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
