They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
