I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
