there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
