I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
