There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
