i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Are we still banned from the library?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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