I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
