I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We got so high we made milksteak
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
