I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
