you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
