i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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