Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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