nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
wow bdsm is so cute
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
