im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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