found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
