It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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