just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
