Pappa wants mamma naked
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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