Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
