His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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