I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i came on her dog
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
