i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
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After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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