Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
