His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
