She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
