You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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