I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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