I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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