Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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