I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
