Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
